If I had to choose which is harder between labour & breastfeeding, I choose breastfeeding!!! Labour is exhausting and painful but they have drugs for that :-), and once it's all over you have this tiny little person looking at you as if to say you're the person who I have been listening to these last 9 months, while I'm thinking you're the person who has been kicking me and pressing on my bladder for the last 9 months, it was the most amazing moment, I will never forget it!
The breastfeeding WELL (sigh).....unfortunately for me it just didn't work :-( I found it hard and quite stressful. I had my heart set on it which I'm sure most mothers do, I prepared myself pre-Jaz by watching videos and asking mums, which I was told it was hard but like most things you don't realise until you actually have to do it. Jaz liked to put her tongue straight up (still does, I have to get the nose of the bottle to bring it down before I start feeding) and just wouldn't latch on. Feeding time was the worst part when Jaz was born, I hated it!!! Every 4 hours in the hospital became a screaming match, I would buzz the nurse to come in and assist, I tell you my poor nipples endured a lot of pinching/squeezing along with trying to shove Jaz's onto them (I haven't painted a pretty picture, have I!) which then would lead to a distraught Jaz (we were successful a couple of times) so the ole pumping machine would come out. When it came time for us to go home, mum (poor Craig had no choice but to work) and I planned that I would keep trying and express if needed and we would get a tin of formula on hand just in case. So I started packing up the car and one of the many gorgeous nurses that took care of us pulled me aside and kindly advised that she thought I should stay one more night (I adored this lady), so I took her advice and stayed. They mentioned that maybe I could try a shield, which I knew my sister in-law had used with her babies, this put a big smile on my face "another solution", BUT (yes a big BUT) in order for me to obtain one I needed to see a lactation consultant. I had seen one the previous day but I didn't find her helpful AT ALL, the nurses were so much better. Cut a long story short the lactation consultant did not want to provide me with one....my heat plummeted and the tears were about to well, I thought how dare you all I want to do is feed my baby and if this solution can help, why not? With a stern look at the lactation consultant :-) and holding back the tears I kindly told her that due to not being able to feed my baby I can't go home. The lactation consultant's theory is for you to sit there with your baby skin to skin contact and wait for the baby to find the nipple, which I'm sure may work but when you have a hungry baby this is something you just don't have time to do, and I personally felt that Jaz knew where her food was she just didn't know how to get it out. So after the stern look and holding back the tears, she gave me one and it worked wonders. I went a whole night without having to buzz the nurses, I did it all by myself YAY, one happy mum!!! So the next day was home and we got to see Craig (SUPER EXCITED I had really missed him, particularly the day of the baby blues, but I stayed tough that day and saved them for when I got home - Craig seems to be "Mr Fix It" when I have a teary). First day home was going GREAT, I was in my element, until the next day....the milk supply was zilch by late evening, I had a screaming Jaz, expressed milk was all gone and a very upset me. Thank goodness mum and dad were here so we left Jaz with them while Craig and I went to the chemist (lucky it was late night shopping) to get some formula. Got back home read the instructions, made up a bottle and boy did our Jaz guzzle it. I felt like I was back to square one. So after countless discussions we decided to keep persisting and use the formula when needed. I decided to give the nipples a rest for a day as they were extremely sore and my milk hadn't fully come in. After giving the nipples a rest and the milk was coming through less yellowish I started the process again, however by late evening the same thing happened again, no milk. By this time I was back to feeling pretty stressed, Craig phoned the 13health number to be advised that the milk supply is more in the morning and less at night (for me I had nothing at night) and that I should wake Jaz every 4 hours, feed, plus express........with this I just lost it, I was so tired and hungry, I'd only managed breakfast that day and I'm thinking "are you serious" when do I get time for a break AND so many people say "never wake a sleeping baby", which I agree with......back to the drawing board. Once I got myself in order (I felt terrible about my outburst as I must have scared my niece the little darling gave me a hug and asked was there anything she could do - what a SWEETHEART) we thought we will just express what I can and formula feed when there was nothing left. This worked well for a while but as the days went on time was something I was trying hard to find particularly the week mum left, so I asked Craig would he be disappointed if I stopped expressing, which he said with a big smile that he was more than happy for me to stop he just wanted me to be happy and enjoy Jaz. When drying up my milk I did feel a sense of sadness and a failure for not being successful but I kept telling myself better luck next time, at least I will have some idea of how it works and what to do.
Since going through this I have discovered that there are so many other mothers who experienced the same issue, I even had one person tell me that their baby had to be hospitalised due to losing so much weight and was on a drip. From this I now don't agree with the statement that mothers produce the right amount of milk that their baby requires, clearly going through this myself and hearing other stories this statement is not accurate and I feel sorry for any mother who has this problem. I'm also greatly disappointed that with all the information provided and support available there was not one piece of information on what to do when it doesn't go to plan. I know it's not rocket science but I think it would be great if there were some education available on choosing the right formula, how much should you give your baby, there is a guide on the back of the formula and it is only a guide but this can lead to over feeding then that leads to Jaz bringing it all up (not a nice thing to see) or not wanting to give her anymore because you don't want her to power chuck again which then leads to a screaming Jaz and most of all support for when you feel like you failed, worry that your baby is not getting the goodness like she would if she were getting breast milk and will she not develop as well as other babies who are breast fed or being told pre-Jaz that bottle fed babies smell? (I know some people...) but I think from this picture Jaz looks apart from being poorly dressed (to hot for clothes) and the dribble she is well fed and pretty happy so I think she is definitely going to be ok :-).
